Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
