boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
