Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
