Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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