it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
