you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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