the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I pour the whiskey from now on
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