Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you would pick up someone in the library
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
