Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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