I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
