Already got asked if we're dating
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize