I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
