it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
