If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
There's even glitter on my cock...
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