Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
40s are totally the cure
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
