I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
