Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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