i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
