i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
