i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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