Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
