Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
