i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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