She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
