Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
