I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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