I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
