Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
