I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
