So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
