Did you just see the Batmobile???
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
