not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You took a bar mat shot.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
