im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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