.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
