I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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