i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
