I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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