kristin has been a bad kristin
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
