She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
