my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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