How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the condom got lost in my hair
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
