Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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