I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
