i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
