nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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