The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
