i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
