My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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