i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
