I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
