According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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