Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Someone shit on the floor
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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