Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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