In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
