you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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