I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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