i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
