I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize