what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
