My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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