so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
