I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
